how keeping track of one's emotions can lead to better outcomes in family law cases
Law Rence Harvesting
There is also the issue of what I call emotional cost. Divorce and family law litigation can play havoc on a person's soul. I believe it can take years off a person's life. I have personally had clients, who I have watched deteriorate physically as a result of the huge amount of stress. Their lips may be pursed, their eyes sunken from lack of sleep. Perhaps they are drinking more heavily or gaining weight. It doesn't do any good to fight to the death over every last dime if a person strokes out from the stress.
On the other side of the same coin, however, I never cease to be amazed at how much better a client actually looks after they are finished with the divorce and away from the stress. I remember one client in particular who simply looked beaten down as a result of some fairly difficult litigation. She didn't take care of herself. She had headaches all the time and she rarely slept a full eight hours. The pain and tension literally could be seen in her eyes. She came to my office one day and said, "I feel terrible. This divorce is killing me. You have to help me end this nightmare." We then talked about options for settling the case in ways that she was previously unwilling. She realized that the stress of the divorce was killing her and that it was more important for her to end the conflict than it was to keep fighting for every penny. I called opposing counsel and the case settled in a week after three years of litigation. I saw this client later the following year. She looked wonderful. I didn't even recognize her. The color came back to her cheeks. She actually smiled, which I had never seen her do. Her eyes showed that she was happier and stronger. No, she didn't get everything in her divorce settlement that she thought was "fair" and she was still happy.
Later that same year, I met with a friend of mine who was facing his second divorce with an extremely high conflict individual. I could see the pain in his eyes as he considered the prospect of costly litigation with a very difficult spouse who had already assured him she would "make him pay." He asked me as a friend, not as a lawyer, what my advice was. I told him to come up with a number he could live with and buy his peace. He followed my advice and told me that it was the best advice he had received that year about his divorce. Others, including attorneys, advised him to fight with a scorched earth strategy. Instead of Armageddon, however, he found peace and was able to move on quickly. He was happier for it.
So, I always advise my clients to consider the emotional cost of continuing with the fight. As an attorney, it's hard for me to place a value on emotional peace, but it is nonetheless real. A party may do better leaving some things on the table and walking away, if it offers a chance to be free of the conflict. Perhaps only the person going through the divorce can put a value on emotional peace.
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